I have spent the last fourteen million years reviewing the doors aboard the Heart of Gold. The results are not good. I present them here in the faint hope that someone, somewhere, might care.

The Infinite Improbability Drive is one of the most elegant, confusing, and occasionally lavender-colored technologies in existence. Here is a brief primer for anyone who spent the lectures looking out the window.

Some people ask, "Zaphod, what makes you such a great President of the Galaxy?" I usually smile, adjust my shades, and say, "Everything." But because the Guide demands rigor, I have prepared a fully objective comparison.

There are many ways to travel the galaxy on a budget. Thumbing a lift from a Vogon Constructor Fleet is, objectively, one of the worst. I am writing this anyway, because the Guide has a comprehensive editorial policy about being comprehensive.

If you are reading this, you have almost certainly just watched your home planet get demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass. First things first: Don't Panic. Second, locate your towel.