Some people ask, "Zaphod, what makes you such a great President of the Galaxy?" I usually smile, adjust my shades, and say, "Everything." But because the Guide demands rigor, I have prepared a fully objective comparison.
It is important to understand that the office of President of the Galaxy is largely ceremonial, a figurehead role designed to distract attention from where real power resides. I am, nonetheless, the best at it. The numbers agree.
Head-to-Head Comparison
| Attribute | Zaphod Beeblebrox | Other Presidents | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Heads | 2 | 1 | A clear advantage in decision-making. |
| Charisma | Off the charts | Mostly on the charts | Charts have been revised. |
| Spaceship ownership | Stolen the Heart of Gold | Rarely | Improbable, but true. |
| Fashion sense | Exceptional | Acceptable | Robes are not for everyone. |
| Public scandals | Stylish | Embarrassing | Mine are mostly entertaining. |
| Likelihood of surviving the universe | High | Moderate | I have an escape plan. |
Note
The above table is entirely objective because I wrote it myself, and I am famously objective about myself.
On Style
A president must look presidential. This means never wearing more than one hat at a time unless it is a very good party. It also means sunglasses, indoors, in all weather conditions. Leadership is 90% optics and 10% remembering where you parked your ship.
Conclusion
I am the greatest. If you disagree, please submit your complaint in writing to the Heart of Gold's complaints hatch, which opens directly into space. I'm very popular there too.