The Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is the best drink in existence. It is also, depending on how many you have had, the worst drink in existence. This is the nature of greatness.
The best thing about a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is that it makes you forget the second-best thing about a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. The worst thing is remembering the first.
If you are going to travel the galaxy, you will eventually be offered a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. This is not optional. It is a rite of passage, a social lubricant, and, in sufficient quantities, a method of propulsion. The trick is surviving the first one with your dignity and your molecular structure intact.
How to Prepare One Responsibly
- Take the juice from one bottle of Ol' Janx Spirit. Pour it very carefully.
- Add one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V. Let it remember the oceans.
- Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture. Do not rush them.
- Add a teaspoon of Qualactin Hypermint extract. The drink will now look like it is planning something.
- Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve.
- Sprinkle Zamphuor.
- Add an olive. The olive is important. It is the only thing holding the drink to reality.
A series of colorful cocktails. None technically a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, but the universe is a flexible place. Photo by Anil Sharma on Unsplash.
Warning
Never drink more than two Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters. Unless you are me. In which case, never drink more than three. Unless you are Zaphod. In which case, the laws of biology are only a suggestion.
What It Feels Like
Drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick. It is also like winning a small prize. The order in which these sensations arrive is up to the drink.
Conclusion
Respect the drink. Tip the bartender. If the bartender is a small robot with a depressive outlook, tip it anyway. It will not help, but it is polite.