The galaxy is full of creatures. Most of them are harmless, some are helpful, and a small percentage will try to eat your shoes or your central nervous system. The trick is spotting the dangerous ones before they have finished their sentence.
A quick visual survey can save your life. I have developed this technique over many years of sitting in bars on planets I probably should not have entered. It is not perfect, but it is faster than asking questions, which is a good way to get the kind of answers that lead to trouble.
The Danger Assessment Table
| Feature | Probably Fine | Cause for Concern | Leave Immediately |
|---|---|---|---|
| Number of eyes | 2 | 4–7 | More than you can count before breakfast |
| Teeth | Visible, polite | Visible, numerous | Visible, animated, carrying a small sign |
| Appendages | Arms, legs | Extra arms, suspicious | Extra arms holding weapons |
| Odor | Neutral | Slightly chemical | Smells like your own regret |
| Conversation starter | "Hello" | "You look edible" | "Have you met my god?" |
| Towel awareness | Nods respectfully | Asks what it is | Tries to confiscate it |
Warning
If an alien offers you a drink and you cannot identify the color, accept it anyway. The refusal is more dangerous than the drink. Then dispose of the drink carefully in a potted plant.
Advanced Techniques
The six-second rule is mostly about posture. Dangerous aliens stand too still. Helpful aliens are usually busy with something. If the alien is standing very still and smiling, you have about two seconds to invent a reason to be elsewhere.
I once met a creature that looked like a grandmother and a small asteroid. I smiled, I backed away, and I survived. The person behind me did not. He asked about her grandchildren.
Conclusion
Trust your towel. Trust your instincts. If your instincts are saying "run," run. If your towel is saying "run," you should already be running.