There is an art to making a hasty retreat. Anyone can run. A true professional runs with posture, confidence, and a sense of showmanship that suggests the entire disaster was part of the plan.
When the authorities, creditors, or the entire population of a small planet are closing in, you have two choices: panic or pose. I always choose pose. Panic makes you sweat. Pose makes you memorable. A good escape is the only advertisement you will ever need.
Dress for the Exit
| Scenario | Recommended Attire | Accessories |
|---|---|---|
| Imperial fleet in pursuit | Velvet robe, no shoes | Sunglasses, towel |
| Angry former business partner | Formal tunic, half-buttoned | Two heads, confident smirk |
| Planetary destruction | Leather jacket, open collar | Stolen spaceship keys |
| Surprise press conference | Whatever you are already wearing | Microphone, evasive answer |
| Alien contract dispute | Naked is traditional, but risky | A lawyer and a fast ship |
Note
The towel is not technically an accessory. It is essential equipment. Anybody who questions this is not worth fleeing with.
The Three Rules of Flight
- Never look back. It slows you down and ruins your silhouette.
- Never apologize. Apologies imply fault, and fault is a legal concept.
- Always smile. The camera is everywhere, and you have an image to maintain.
I have been chased out of more galaxies than most people have visited. Every time, I looked incredible. Every time.
Conclusion
You do not have to be the fastest person in the room. You only have to be the fastest person who looks good on the security footage. Priorities matter.